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Past, present, future. Birth, life, death. Beginning, middle, end. Magic number 3

This is not really a blog about cooking, this is more about me and my journey to were I am today

Today I am 3, not literally, today I am 3 years sober, its like some sober anniversary thing, big on the recovery calendar, I can remember when 3 hours felt like some mental and physical torture now I the idea of drinking in a dark room, or party under pretty lights, well I have no desire what’s so ever, its a good thing, I am happier today than I was for all those years, abstinence is one thing having peace in my heart and a quite mind well I guess that the ultimate goal of any recovering addict. It has been a ride, a pretty smooth one really but life is full of ups and down and change is the only constant thing in life. But I have learnt a lot about myself and about recovery, so id like to share with you what I have learnt what has worked for me and what keeps me pretty steady from day to day

I remember finishing rehab, scared that the outside world would chew me up and spit me out but excited about the prospect of a new beginning I was bat shit crazy, the thoughts that used to occupy my mind, and what I’ve learnt is that I should not have let myself keep my mind in a state of chaos with out seeking help, there are many forms available to a recovering addict, 12 step, psychologist, smart meetings etc, dealing with what’s going on in your head before it becomes a problem goes a long way, a life time of bad habits takes a life time to fix.

I went to 12 step meetings, one a week usually but its something that has not really grabbed me, maybe I didn’t make the connections there that most people do, but I struggle with connection a lot from day to day and has seemed to get harder and harder for me as I have gotten older, I certainly don’t haver a bad thing to say about any 12 step meeting, I think there a great support network and think you would have to be crazy not use them as part of your recovery, not doubt I was crazy yet I still keep going back, shopping around from meeting to meeting, maybe I was looking for something they were not going to offer me, I guess the lack of connection is what stoped me from going, although I have been thinking lately a lot about going to a meeting.

Really for me its about balancing self care and doing things for other people, service they call it in recovery, its a big thing to give back to people who are in recovery or struggling with their addiction, i work in the industry so for me its great been able to give back and get paid. Routine is boss, it keeps me focused for the day, helps me to achieve a sense of purpose everyday. I start my day at the same time, generally even if I have the day off work, I listen to my body and if I feel I can sleep for a little longer and need to, this helps me to maintain a regular sleep time as well, I am a super sensitive sleeper, so keeping a good sleep rhythm is so important. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and starting my day with nutrition keeps the hangry me from every making an appearance. Then I go to the gym, exercise is so good , if only I could bottle its benefits I would be a rich. I feel like doing something for myself like exercise before I go to work it is like I’ve done something I want to before the world gets a hold of me.

I actually became very interested in body building, not that I take building my body so seriously but there is something about the discipline, the ability to see your self progress all be it very slowly and of course the discipline of Nutrition. I like to lift heavy stuff and put in down, well at least try.

My first attempt at recovery happened in Ireland unfortunately it didn’t end well, but looking back I feel like needed the lapse to realise what a shit life it is for anyone in substance addiction, something inside me just said I’m done, maybe I was rebelling against just living my life FINE, I read one of those quotes on social media recently that said” having to be fine growing up as a child, maybe being fine is all you can achieve as an adult”, probably not true but there is a side of me that agrees. But with a little help from an awesome rehab in Australia I was able to reconnect with myself and haven’t looked back since. Although lately I have been feeling a little bit of life burnout, starting your life again from starch with absolutely nothing and in a new country in your late 30’s is no mean feat. So I guess its not time to take the foot off so to speak with recovery, been creative helps, my website, been able to write and publish is great, maybe ill write a book........

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